oct, 8th - first comes love, then comes marriage....

day 238:

recently (day 211), i blogged about French philosopher, Elisabeth Badinter and her current book called Le Conflict, La Femme et La Mere (The Conflict, The Woman and The Mother). it's essentially about finding the balance between career and kids; over-parenting and parenting; retaining you identity but still accepting your new role as a parent. 

this lead a reader (okay, family member, let's be truthful about my readers here) to send me a link to an interesting article prompted by another book, called To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First. The article, published in the Sydney Morning Herald, is about how we prioritise our relationship time. The book by American family therapist, David Code, says that the current shift of focusing all our attention on our children, can mean neglecting our relationship with our partners, which is actually detrimental to a child's development.

i like his views (maybe...because he says that we shouldn't feel guilty about date night and that instead it's actually a positive thing for Limi). As the article says: "....we are so terrified of being selfish adults that we have forgotten that simply setting a good example is what creates a rounded, successful, happy human being. It is not the child who plays tennis and speaks Italian who is set for a fabulous life if her mother can't be civil to her father."

it's worth a read, if only to remind ourselves that growing up in a family full of warmth, love and affection is a lot more fun than diary discussions, rushing from one appointment to the next and never being in the same room long enough to have a conversation.

link: http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/lifematters/the-parent-trap-20100329-r7nt.html

sep, 11th - french conflict...

day 211:

of course, no matter how much I am loving the time with Limi and enjoying watching her grow before my eyes, there are days where the monotony of caring for a small baby gets you down. this in turn, makes you consider the whole debate between being a stay-at-home mum vs stepping back onto the rungs of the career ladder.

so, an article awhile back in the Times, made me sit up and take notice (in a way that I wouldn't have 18 months ago). it was a piece about the French philosopher, Elisabeth Badinter, who is causing sling-wearing, organic-veg-growing, nappy washing mothers everywhere to flex their forum-writing fingers.

she has recently released a book called Le Conflict, La Femme et La Mere (The Conflict, The Woman and The Mother) which basically says that modern women are turning motherhood into their new 'careers'. getting straight to the point...in that very French way, her attitude is that a woman who gives birth to a child should be 'a woman first and a mother second'.....i get what she's saying....if she means that you shouldn't lose yourself just because you become a mother.

an interesting point that she makes is that we have created this all-or-nothing approach to raising children...where it has become as competitive and all consuming as a career. days are tailored around pureeing that home-grown, organic veg, attending a carefully constructed schedule of social networking, baby activities and being home in time to meet the cloth-nappy, laundry service. mediocre mothering is just not an option anymore.

she hauls out some stats that suggest that women in certain countries are now choosing not to have children because they see it as too high maintenance. therefore, they are choosing their careers instead as they think that you cannot successfully combine the two, if you want to achieve high standards in both. 


well, i certainly don't have it figured out yet. i haven't even tried to combine the two. a huge plus is definitely the shifting attitudes towards being more mobile in the working arena (egs. hot desking from different locations to be closer to home and even working more from home). but, i do think that for every organic meal that i may not cook as a result of going back to work, limi will definitely benefit from seeing me have a career that i enjoy.

now, just to reconcile the fact that while i may miss out on experiencing some 'firsts', limi will love having the different experiences and influences that come with having a nanny from another culture and i will love the mental challenges and stimulation that come with my job (oh, plus some uninterrupted coffee drinking time!)...at least part of the week.


i'm pretty excited about stepping back on the rungs....just have to remember how to wear heels again, whilst doing it.