oct, 18th - fred and mabel....

day 978 / 77:

a good friend has started a small business called Fred & Mabel. with her partner (mum of Fred), they are selling vintage toys and creating beautiful cut-out images and words using gorgeous old fabrics. they are both mums who worked in the creative industry and are now trying to find that balance between having careers and being the main childminders. i love what they are doing.

they had their first stand at a Vintage Home Show over the weekend and their space looked incredible. i had to leave before i bought up all their stock, although i did snap up an old school slate board, a teapot for Limi (in pink....yes, old pink), a lace collar for Claya, the abacus in the second picture, above and the trolley horse.....i could have bought more.

they take commissions for their cut-out prints and will ship their toys worldwide. 

p.s. this is not a sponsored post :) but i do get handed these brown paper packages by Bon {see day 975 / 74}

[Limi sneaking off with the loot?]

sep, 26th - night night....

day 956 / 55:

okay.....i'm shattered.....utterly and completely.....when Limi was born, i said that it's not the initial lack of sleep that everyone expects that's difficult, it's the accumulated lack of sleep that gets you in the end......

we are now playing sleep relay in our household......Claya puts herself to sleep in her crib first (still impresses me), closely followed by Limi....a couple of precious, kid-free hours later, I follow and A. (who is crazily busy at work) is often last.

then Claya wakes up at around one am.....Limi often follows at around two am (this is a new thing), then just when everyone is settled again, Claya wakes up at four and this seems to wake up Limi again. she generally wanders through to climb into our bed (it just doesn't seem right to force her to stay in her own room when the rest of us are all in one together) and snuggles down between us. if i do manage to get Claya back to sleep in her crib, i then have to contend with a two year-old who wants to sleep on top of me (very sweet but not sleep-helpful).....so mostly, my days are starting at four am......

i have asked friends to excuse all strange behaviour (i sat through part of a lunch the other day wondering why it was so dark inside only to realise, that i still had my sunglasses on)........

i definitely have Sleep on the top of my ever expanding to do list.

aug, 28th - good coffee....

day 931 / 30:

A. and i love a good coffee (he would argue that most of London doesn't do a good coffee compared to Australia but that's for another day and another post). with a newborn back in the house, strong coffee has become our life blood again. on holiday, we were thrilled when we discovered the Beach Bistro at the Gallivant Hotel. it's a rustically gorgeous bistro and serves decent coffee too.

it also delivered happiness to a two year old by making extra large babycinnos.

  

A. and i were so impressed by the look of the menu (scallops, salt marsh lamb, freshly caught fish) that we made it down for dinner one night. with Limi asleep at home with my mum and Claya defying the wary looks of fellow diners by not letting out a peep all night, it was great to have some adult time, just the two of us.

p.s. i promise that we don't actually co-ordinate our clothing, we just happened to have packed a lot of stripes this holiday.

may, 25th - balancing.....

day 472:

my posts last year contained a lot more musings.....on motherhood and other topics.....yes, this blog has never really been too wordy but lately, i feel like i'm just churning out pics. i guess that what comes with being busier....less opportunity to sit and musificate (it must be a word.....right?) but for me, it's quite interesting to go back and re-read letters or diary notes that were written at a particular time.....so, since this is a journal of our adventures and cheesy as they may be....i'm bringing back 'letters to limi' and maybe even a few to myself.

so, as obvious as it may be to most of you, i wanted to write about the struggle to find the right balance.......finding the balance between being an individual and part of a family....finding the balance between career and homelife......finding the balance between work and play. i mean, it's seriously not a new topic and i have no solution but probably for the first time, i'm realising just how we struggle to find our own answers to this subject.

one thing that is clear to me is a need for flexibility...some people like structure and certainty.....i like flexibility.......i love working and having a career and contributing financially, but i also want to be able to adapt that around Limi and A. (this probably stems from me really hating missing out on anything) so having to miss out on Limi's 'end of term' swimming session eats me up inside....

the other aspect is doing things that you're passionate about. so, unless what you're passionate about doesn't allow you the financial freedom to enjoy your downtime, i think that it's important to spend your days/nights doing what you love......i mean that wraps up lifestyle and career balance into one.

and finally time, time is such a precious thing but i guess what i'm learning is that we're playing the long-term game here......just as you think that the individuality versus family balance can get no worse (103 days straight of spending 24 hours a day with a demanding infant)...it shifts and you suddenly get some of your self back but also start getting more from the family aspect......

so really, the balance thing is an ever evolving dynamic state where we constantly need to look for solutions, my suggestion (again, not a new one) is to enjoy every second.....make it about what you want to do.....and when you look back, you'll see that in fact, you probably got the balance just right.

nov, 21st - once i would have skydived.....

[indian wedding in punjab, 2004]

day 281:

A. is off to India for a week for work.....i love India.....i miss India......i can't wait to get back to India....

[golden temple, 2004]

but India longings aside.....i wanted to chat about the fact that i seem to have lost my edge....having a baby seems to have robbed me of my nerve. once i skydived (in fact more than once) and went wandering into the Tenderloin in San Francisco (okay that wasn't on purpose) and loved the thrill of doing something new and slightly dangerous. now....i feel like eating cheese past it's sell-by date is bordering on high risk. 

[udaipur, 2004]

Before-Limi (BL) i would have been thrilled for A. to be out in India playing dodge-cow/elephant-truck-bumper-car, eating street-food and stepping into a market to barter for my christmas gift.....but now i'm definitely more worried and i want him  to be cautious and stay away from the vindaloo. i hate it. it feels stereotypical. it feels sensible and boring. but i can't help it. thoughts like.....we have a baby who needs both parents safe and sound....not hanging from some strings and fabric at 10,000ft, frequently cross my mind. 

i was mentioning this to a friend who is also a new parent.....how i hated this loss of throw-caution-to-the-wind-and-dangle-from-a-cliff-face nerve and she said that studies have shown that it's necessary for kids to see this balance. by this she means that it's good for a child to see one parent taking risks and the other being more cautious. i would be interested to know if this can switch in different households....i mean who was the cautious parent/step-parent in the Earhart/Putnam household. 

[udaipur, 2004]

but anyway, i can see the logic and can start to understand why i suddenly feel the need to check the sell-by dates more thoroughly these days. i hope that at some stage A. and i can swap for a bit....he will check the cheese and i will climb into a small, two-seater plane and learn to fly

ps. has anyone else noticed this lose-your-nerve transformation?

nov, 19th - life after baby.....

day 280:

we did something spontaneous last night. i last remember doing something spontaneous back in 2009.

to be honest this was as spontaneous as you can be when you have to call a baby-sitter 8 hours in advance and plan the bedtime routine with military precision so that you've factored in your 10 minute prep time.

this was also the first time that we've used a baby-sitter that we've never met....(a good friend uses her all the time) and to be honest i was somehow more concerned that she wouldn't like us rather than the other way around.....i even did some cleaning (and worried about the lack of biscuits) in case we didn't make a good impression on the baby-sitter.

the reason we were 8-hours-in-advance-spontaneous?

a friend got some amazingly, fantastic news yesterday morning and so we headed out to celebrate.

oh! and i also got to wear impractical shoes. i have such a wonderful selection of impractical shoes...... that have been gathering dust since 2009 (i call these my wonder-woman- super-hero shoes!)

welcome back spontaneity and impractical shoes....i've missed you guys!

ps. the pre-dinner cocktails were found at a new (well new to us), jazzy bar in Nottinghill, called Montgomery Place.

oct, 8th - first comes love, then comes marriage....

day 238:

recently (day 211), i blogged about French philosopher, Elisabeth Badinter and her current book called Le Conflict, La Femme et La Mere (The Conflict, The Woman and The Mother). it's essentially about finding the balance between career and kids; over-parenting and parenting; retaining you identity but still accepting your new role as a parent. 

this lead a reader (okay, family member, let's be truthful about my readers here) to send me a link to an interesting article prompted by another book, called To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First. The article, published in the Sydney Morning Herald, is about how we prioritise our relationship time. The book by American family therapist, David Code, says that the current shift of focusing all our attention on our children, can mean neglecting our relationship with our partners, which is actually detrimental to a child's development.

i like his views (maybe...because he says that we shouldn't feel guilty about date night and that instead it's actually a positive thing for Limi). As the article says: "....we are so terrified of being selfish adults that we have forgotten that simply setting a good example is what creates a rounded, successful, happy human being. It is not the child who plays tennis and speaks Italian who is set for a fabulous life if her mother can't be civil to her father."

it's worth a read, if only to remind ourselves that growing up in a family full of warmth, love and affection is a lot more fun than diary discussions, rushing from one appointment to the next and never being in the same room long enough to have a conversation.

link: http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/lifematters/the-parent-trap-20100329-r7nt.html

sep, 11th - french conflict...

day 211:

of course, no matter how much I am loving the time with Limi and enjoying watching her grow before my eyes, there are days where the monotony of caring for a small baby gets you down. this in turn, makes you consider the whole debate between being a stay-at-home mum vs stepping back onto the rungs of the career ladder.

so, an article awhile back in the Times, made me sit up and take notice (in a way that I wouldn't have 18 months ago). it was a piece about the French philosopher, Elisabeth Badinter, who is causing sling-wearing, organic-veg-growing, nappy washing mothers everywhere to flex their forum-writing fingers.

she has recently released a book called Le Conflict, La Femme et La Mere (The Conflict, The Woman and The Mother) which basically says that modern women are turning motherhood into their new 'careers'. getting straight to the point...in that very French way, her attitude is that a woman who gives birth to a child should be 'a woman first and a mother second'.....i get what she's saying....if she means that you shouldn't lose yourself just because you become a mother.

an interesting point that she makes is that we have created this all-or-nothing approach to raising children...where it has become as competitive and all consuming as a career. days are tailored around pureeing that home-grown, organic veg, attending a carefully constructed schedule of social networking, baby activities and being home in time to meet the cloth-nappy, laundry service. mediocre mothering is just not an option anymore.

she hauls out some stats that suggest that women in certain countries are now choosing not to have children because they see it as too high maintenance. therefore, they are choosing their careers instead as they think that you cannot successfully combine the two, if you want to achieve high standards in both. 


well, i certainly don't have it figured out yet. i haven't even tried to combine the two. a huge plus is definitely the shifting attitudes towards being more mobile in the working arena (egs. hot desking from different locations to be closer to home and even working more from home). but, i do think that for every organic meal that i may not cook as a result of going back to work, limi will definitely benefit from seeing me have a career that i enjoy.

now, just to reconcile the fact that while i may miss out on experiencing some 'firsts', limi will love having the different experiences and influences that come with having a nanny from another culture and i will love the mental challenges and stimulation that come with my job (oh, plus some uninterrupted coffee drinking time!)...at least part of the week.


i'm pretty excited about stepping back on the rungs....just have to remember how to wear heels again, whilst doing it.

sep, 7th - todo list....

day 207:

i love making lists.....but is it the making of lists that i love or the incredible down-in-the-belly-satisfaction i get when i cross something off that list.....yes, i have been known to write something on a list, just to cross it off again....it makes the whole list look so much more successful.

but my ToDo list at the moment is exhausting.....before i've managed to cross something off, i'm writing another thing onto it......it's becoming less of a ToDo page and more of a ToDo fax-roll (where on earth do you even buy a fax-roll these days). 

[how i feel about my list at the moment. limi, 7 days old]

first of all...i hate my own paperwork...and now i have Limi's paperwork to deal with....and babies come with some complicated forms....plus the Shoe-box has decided to reveal all renovation flaws this week....we've had water pouring down the-most-expensive-windows-i've-ever bought...on the inside; lights suddenly not working (yes...we have changed the bulbs); a heated towel rail trying to escape the wall and a fridge that would prefer to be a swimming pool....and that's after my long list of things to do before i go back to work.

my ToDo list is now growing claws and chasing me in my dreams.........i will have to attack it with a pen  and hope that i win this battle. please have the plasters ready for those paper-cuts.

aug, 8th - date night....

"Romance is as much a part of Italy as its art and its history. Perhaps the feeling of romance that wells up in you when you come to Italy is one of the greatest things that Italy has to offer a world that is tired of war and political intrigue....hotel managers, waiters and bellhops make you conscious of your own love and accentuate it in such a way that you feel more in love in this country than in any other."
Fodor's Modern Guides. Italy 1957.

[my date last night. posting such a posed shot, will get me in BIG trouble...but hey i love it. 
he was wearing a shirt and shoes last night!]


day 177:


last night was the first time in 176 days that A. and i have gone on a dinner date without a baby, buggy and big bag in tow. yes, we've been on dates since Limi was born (we were proud that we managed a night out before she was 2 months old) but these dates were: to watch a movie, to a music concert, to lunch and to dinners separately...so...there has been no romantic dinner dates, for just the two of us. 


it just hasn't seemed necessary...in 176 days....wow, on reflection that does surprise me and ASTOUND my pre-limi self!!! the first few months, we were just keen to keep her close to us and she slept so soundly through every dinner that it just didn't seem like a big hassle to scoot her along. then, we were travelling quite a bit and her routine was out, so it just seemed easier to subject ourselves to that rather than a baby-sitter and now, for the last month or so, we just haven't got our act together to pay for someone to come and sit. (it definitely would be different if we had family close by)


but in celebration of A.'s birthday (today).....my sister offered to baby-sit while we went off to the small hilltop town of Todi, for dinner at the gorgeous Pane e Vino.


although Limi is generally a joy to take along to dinner....you just don't realise what a difference it makes not having her around until you're sitting there...not thinking about whether she's cold or hot, not thinking about whether she's in the way, not thinking about whether she's awake or asleep, not thinking about taking her home and putting her to bed.....


the NOT thinking.....was absolute bliss!!


and so was the just being a girl and a boy again, out on a date. welcome back you two.


p.s. my sister and mum were absolute stars and she was sound asleep when we got home. thank you, thank you, thank you again.....best birthday-gift-that-i-benefit-from ever!

may, 26th - finding the balance....

day 107:

finding the balance....i guess this is the obvious statement that every parent and couple debates...share of chores (baby & house) vs fun-filled hours spending quality time with the baby vs work to bring in the coins vs personal time vs couple time. 

we haven't managed to work it out yet....throw tiredness, lack of time and a steep learning curve into the mix and it can get very messy. i have had my moments......after a night of getting up with limi every 3 hours and then having 12 straight day hours of doing chores and entertaining her....i get hugely jealous of A breezing off to work in the morning and managing to have a shower, make a coffee, read a newspaper...all without an audience and a time limit. it's hard to explain to someone just how tiring the endless round of feed, burp, change, bounce, change position, feed, burp, change, bounce, change position......can be.

on the other hand...i'm sure that there are days where he sees limi and i snuggled up in the bed in the morning when he wishes that he didn't have to drag himself off to earn the coins...and could spend the day playing peek-a-boo...and deciding whether to have a stroll in the park, along the river or to the shops.

we have managed to find some rhythm...i try to get limi into bed by 7-ish and A. gets home, cooks dinner and pours me a glass of wine...weekends are often spent playing sleep-tag.... but we're still some way off feeling like we're both getting the balance right both personally and together!

so.........having holiday time together is amazing from a number of perspectives....it gave A. a better appreciation of how unrelenting it can be to care for limi from 7 (well...more like 6am) to 7...and it gave me a better understanding of how much he is missing out on and how lucky i am to spend this time with her......