Sunday, 21 November 2010

nov, 21st - once i would have skydived.....

[indian wedding in punjab, 2004]

day 281:

A. is off to India for a week for work.....i love India.....i miss India......i can't wait to get back to India....

[golden temple, 2004]

but India longings aside.....i wanted to chat about the fact that i seem to have lost my edge....having a baby seems to have robbed me of my nerve. once i skydived (in fact more than once) and went wandering into the Tenderloin in San Francisco (okay that wasn't on purpose) and loved the thrill of doing something new and slightly dangerous. now....i feel like eating cheese past it's sell-by date is bordering on high risk. 

[udaipur, 2004]

Before-Limi (BL) i would have been thrilled for A. to be out in India playing dodge-cow/elephant-truck-bumper-car, eating street-food and stepping into a market to barter for my christmas gift.....but now i'm definitely more worried and i want him  to be cautious and stay away from the vindaloo. i hate it. it feels stereotypical. it feels sensible and boring. but i can't help it. thoughts like.....we have a baby who needs both parents safe and sound....not hanging from some strings and fabric at 10,000ft, frequently cross my mind. 

i was mentioning this to a friend who is also a new i hated this loss of throw-caution-to-the-wind-and-dangle-from-a-cliff-face nerve and she said that studies have shown that it's necessary for kids to see this balance. by this she means that it's good for a child to see one parent taking risks and the other being more cautious. i would be interested to know if this can switch in different households....i mean who was the cautious parent/step-parent in the Earhart/Putnam household. 

[udaipur, 2004]

but anyway, i can see the logic and can start to understand why i suddenly feel the need to check the sell-by dates more thoroughly these days. i hope that at some stage A. and i can swap for a bit....he will check the cheese and i will climb into a small, two-seater plane and learn to fly

ps. has anyone else noticed this lose-your-nerve transformation?

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